Endless Excuses


Sooooo hello there, it's been a while...

I've been away for over two weeks now, and I'm sorry. There are reasons for this absence though! Here come the excuses.

I've recently started working full-time in a customer service job and doing 40 hours a week has been hard to adjust to. I've been feeling like all I've been doing lately is getting ready for work, being at work or recovering after work and honestly it's sapped my inspiration recently. Especially since all I seem to be wearing at the minute is an all-black uniform, it kinda means I haven't been able to feel like my own self, like I've been a bit stifled is all. Wow that sounds very drama-queen of me haha.

Although, I feel like I'm settling in now, getting to grips with all the niggly parts of this job and hopefully it'll mean I can get back into the swing of things soon.

I can't complain too much though, I've finally got a job which I quite enjoy, unlike last summer when I worked in a factory (aka completely soul destroying). My colleagues are nice and I seem to have slipped into the group just fine after only being there for two months. AND it means I will finally be able to upgrade my crappy 4 year old laptop to the macbook of my dreams, I just have to continue working for it haha.

Another exciting thing happening at the moment is... I'm going to be the Director of Photography on an independent film soon! It's only a tiny tiny production between friends from my course but it'll be the very first time I will have the most influence over the visuals of a film which is an utter DREAM of mine. You can read more about the film here! (link)

Hopefully I'll be able to document some of the experience in a behind the scenes style and I hope to share this experience with you later this year!

Something else I wanted to talk about is inspired by the photo featured in this post. It's a fairly old picture of me when my family and I went to southern Italy a few years ago. I was looking for a random sort of fitting picture for this post, just to add interest to a very chatty passage, but seeing this just made me feel so nostalgic that I had to share it.

At the time this was taken, altough it was only a couple/a few years ago, my life was so different and seeing the pictures from this time has made me think about how everything can change so much in such a short time... I had a lot less responsibility back then, but I can't seem to decide if I liked it better back then, or just how much independence and control I have now. 

Other than the nostalgia, this picture made me realise how badly I'm itching to get away for a holiday, for a change of scene, for change in general. My biggest fear in life is the fear of it being mundane, so when things become stagnant I start going a bit stir crazy. At least I have a trip to Lithuania to look forward to in August, back to visit my family and to just unwind and kind of get back to my roots a bit. For the first time in a while, I'm actually excited to go. 

Over the last sort of 8/9 years, there was always a small sense of dread about going back, as each trip is always jam-packed and non-stop. There was always that little feeling you might get when going to a big family Christmas - as much as you love them, family can be stressful in bigger doses. This time is different though, I almost feel homesick for the homeland, which is something I haven't felt for Lithuania for about 9 years (regardless of how much I missed my family there). I just think I've gotten a bit nostalgic as I've matured and grown up since being at University, plus I haven't been in almost 2 years.

I'm itching to get out of this concrete jungle in favour for Lithuania's beautiful nature and forests. I just can't wait to go on nostalgic adventures and to document it all so I can look back on it all when I'm older!

Would it be bad to admit that this trip has a slight feeling of a 'last hurrah'? I can't quite put my finger on it but I have this nagging feeling that after this trip I won't be able to visit there for a while. I suppose with my final year of university looming, and the pressure to go grab work experience by the balls ever increasing, and the dread of having to dive head first into the working world completely out of the safety blanket of education.... it starts to make a lot more sense. I will be completely independent so soon, and that adjustment is one I think will take a while to adapt to, which makes me feel like I just won't be able to go for a while after this.


Anyway, to sum up this hot mess of a ramble-fest, I just can't wait to get back into the swing of things and to start making more creative video content, once I have the means to edit videos. I also can't wait for a break from the utter mundanity that my life is at the moment. Hopefully there won't be any more breaks this long!

If you've read all the way to the end, you get a virtual high five from me!

Thank you for reading and tell me something eventful that had happened to you recently!